Conscience
by Otaku Freak Kiken 88
Summary: A conscience of a character speaks out. See what it has to say... OH NO... THE LAST CHAPTER! -sniff sniff- I'm... OKAY... -starts bawling-... -huge sniff- IT'S OKAY... Life goes ON! Please give input to the question at the end! Please review!
1. The Conscience of a Loner

Conscience  
  
By Otaku Freak Kiken  
  
Go away... Leave me alone. You never counseled me before, but why do you beg me for guidance now? Heh, I mean nothing to you... Never have, never will, but I seem to be your cushion to fall back on. Why?  
  
I've been stone cold since you were born. Never warm or temperate, only frozen to the core with loneliness. Depression. What a common emotion within me. You've always been like this. A loner. No one's companion. Only an acquaintance. Possibly your family member and your so-called "friend" kept you thriving, and the little help from the others made it worthwhile, I suppose.  
  
Arrogance. Why do you hold onto your pride so dearly? It serves you no good if you use it as a tool of destruction. Destruction. There's another point. You destroy whatever and whoever you can for... FUN... The disturbing part of that whole thing is you ENJOY it, almost like it's your life. I find it revolting, but, like I said before, you've never listened to me anyway, so why should you now?  
  
You feel desperate. I wouldn't blame you. After all those trials in your life, I'm surprised you're still alive. Don't let this last issue pull you further down. Even if YOU don't care, someone else does. Yes, other people have feelings towards you, maybe you've noticed. Don't feel so alone.  
  
If you do this to yourself, it's just going to make it harder on the others. You know that. So what if you have nothing to live for, according to your beliefs? Live for the ones who love you! Who need you! They're counting on you! They believe in what you can do, in what you can succeed in! Listen to me now! They're always there for you, like I am! Trust me, I know...  
  
So what if Yukina is angry? It was the right thing to do to tell her! She still loves you! She is only mad because you waited so long, and for all the things you've done. Anyone would be mad for those reasons. If you do this, she's definitely not going to be happy.  
  
It doesn't matter if Kurama has been ignoring you lately. He's got a lot on his mind. Everyone does. If he's a true friend, like I've told you countless times, he'll come around and acknowledge you again. In due time. Don't worry, this'll pass.  
  
Yusuke isn't annoyed by you! He's just joking with you. Loosen up a little, because he's the kidding type. You're just fun to pick on, that's all. You're too easy. If you let this get to you, you need to chill out a little. He needs his space right now, though... Grieving over Genkai is still overwhelming him at this moment.  
  
Kuwabara isn't always stupid. He can be a good guy, if you give him a chance. I know you're protective of your sister, but he's not going to harm her. I know you'll, without doubt, avenge her if he does... But I highly doubt anything will come upon her. Calm down.  
  
I know Koenma is expecting a lot out of everyone now, but it isn't as bad as you think. Even if a team member dies, the team is STILL a TEAM. Working together, you can still defeat whoever you need to. Keep your faith in them... you'll need them whether you like it or not.  
  
Depend on them. They depend on you. If you don't know how, LEARN. It's a trait in life that is vital. Dependence on other living beings. Ningen or not, if you learn this, you'll do much better.  
  
You still want to do this, huh? Why? I just explain to you why you shouldn't. Please, put the katana away... This isn't the answer. Everyone's going to hate you for this, I hope you know! I'm going to diminish! I'll cease to exist!  
  
I can't stop you. It's your choice. I can only watch. Only a bystander, an onlooker of your whole life. Go ahead, if you like. I won't do anything. Into the back of your mind I'll go, as always, awaiting your change of mind before you do something foolish. Goodbye. I wish you would have listened. I'm sorry for you... So-long, friend. Adieu, Hiei...  
  
Hello-ses! I haven't written for a while, so this is the newest update! Please tell me what you think! I know this isn't that long, but oh well. The next chapter is in the process of being written as you read this, so don't worry, if you were wondering what happens next. This is just something I thought of off the top of my muddled mind. I found it interesting. What do you guys think? 


	2. The Voice of Hiei

Conscience  
  
Chapter two- The Voice of Hiei  
  
By Otaku Freak Kiken  
  
I wonder why I never listened... It has no affect on me now. It's too late for that. This IS the only answer, from my point of understanding. Foolish beings and their attachments to their companions, to their teammates. I guess that's another reason why I have to do this.  
  
It's not just Yusuke, not just Botan who took it hard. I, too, actually admit to shedding a single tear for that old hag. I might not have known her, but losing anyone who had given you a great chance at winning a tournament would make anyone grieve. So maybe I felt SOME emotion towards her. Big deal. No one cares now. It's over and done with.  
  
Go ahead and laugh. Even the most hard hearted of beings feel some type of emotion towards others. No one notices, though. It's so well hidden. Behind all the wounds and scars of their lives, everyone has feelings, even if they don't admit to it. Why am I still on this subject?  
  
Being thrown from Koorime was only the start of my troubles. Being raised by thieves, having skills learned from them, those did affect my mind greatly. I was raised to steal. I was raised to kill. And both I did. That's what got me into this whole mess.  
  
Joining forces with the elusive Yoko, and the meaningless other, I had walked into a trap that no one could wiggle free from. No one. It changed my whole life. That baby detective actually defeated me, and my 'punishment' was to ally with him and his dim-witted friend. Thankfully, Kurama was being 'punished' along with me. It's good to have friends with you.  
  
Hn... so what if I DID become 'friends' with those two ningens? I consider them allies, not REALLY friends. Whatever. Only after they helped to rescue Yukina did I begin to loosen up around them. Hn... Yukina...  
  
My half sister. I spent my whole life searching for her. I found her. I promised not to tell her I was related to her, but... One can't hold a secret forever. I told her. We were all alone, and I thought it'd be the best time to confess. It was, just not the right date... She said I waited too long to tell her, and that she'd already found out from Botan. She also found out about my past, and... she despised me. My own sister, my own family. My heart sank to the bottom of the empty pit formed in my throat, and for the first time ever, I shed a tear. In front of her, my sister who disowned me with her scowl. I could never look at her again. I walked away, and I never looked back.  
  
Just one more reason for me to do this.  
  
Kurama has brushed me away, shooed me, from his sight lately. Every time I try and talk to him, he asks me to leave. I don't know why. He seems annoyed. Frustrated. I don't even bother to ask.  
  
It seems as though Yusuke is annoyed, too. Hn... he always makes rude comments when I'm around. Even if I did consider him my friend, now it seems as though he hates me, so why even bother? I just leave him alone, too.  
  
Don't even get me started on Kuwabaka. The fool... the dim-witted fool. He hangs over Yukina like a dog over food. I wish to teach him a lesson, but Kurama restrains me every time I try to do so. Heh, he'll learn one day. Believe me, I KNOW HE WILL...  
  
He expects everyone to work one hundred and ten percent. Koenma, the child ruler of the spirit world. And leader of our 'team'. He thought that becoming part of our team would make everything better, like bandaging a dirty wound. It didn't. The weight that Genkai dropped on us is almost too much to bare... Even I can't keep up to the demi-god's standards.  
  
Kurama is trying to make me depend on ningens. Even Yusuke. They want me to throw down my own pride and risk my own life to help them. I don't need them. I don't need anybody. Being alone is fine.  
  
I don't depend on anyone. I've never needed to. Why start now? I don't believe in anyone, either. Who cares? Definitely not me.  
  
I don't care about anything. Everything I have hoped for is now gone. I have nothing to live for. I have to do this. This silvery blade of my katana is my salvation. My savior. No one cares about me, so I should just give up my soul and end it. This body is just waiting, pleading, to be released from its captivity.  
  
So I'll end it. I just wish everyone I've known over the years could see this. So they could see how they've made me feel. So they could see the gore.  
  
~~^~~  
  
The door opens to Kurama's and Hiei's hotel room, and Kurama glares wildly at Hiei. He drops the sodas he brought with him, and he runs over to the bed, where Hiei's seated.  
  
"Hiei! What do you think you're doing?!" Kurama grabs at the ground around him, still staring at Hiei. He finds a towel from the shower he took earlier that day, and he places it on Hiei's arm. "You idiot... Why are you doing this?"  
  
"No one cares. They never have. They never will. Stop helping me, Kurama. Let me bleed. Watch me die."  
  
"Hiei, you're mad! If you think that I'll let you commit suicide, you've got to be kidding yourself!" He holds the wound tightly, and can feel the blood seeping through the fibers of the cotton towel. A tear runs down his face. "Whatever drove you to do this?"  
  
"You... Yusuke... Kuwabara... Koenma... Genkai... My mother... Yukina... " His voice trails off slowly, and a grimly sardonic smirk places itself on his lips.  
  
"You can't... "  
  
~~^~~  
  
Maybe I should have listened...  
  
Hey... That's the second chapter. If I get enough reviews on this one, then I'll make a third. What do ya think?  
  
-Otaku Freak Kiken 


	3. What Happens Next

Conscience  
  
Chapter three- What Happens Next  
  
By Otaku Freak Kiken  
  
The towel, saturated with crimson bitterness, was slowly being unwrapped from the fire demon's slashed arm. Tears welled up in the fox's eyes. His friend, the most aloof of the whole team, just sincerely smiled and closed his eyes as he fell limp on his bed. It couldn't be true. This just couldn't be real. Hiei wasn't... No, he mustn't even think of such things. His mind was in such a mess, quite a daze, that he forgot one vital thing.  
  
He sorrowfully arranged the small body in a proper position, and pulled the covers just over his chest. He wasn't sure if he should even try to treat him, for fear that it would just be a waste of time. He sighs so shallowly that it could pass as a start of a cry. Which, in fact, it did start. Kurama sat on his own bed, covering his face with his hands, as he let tears slide from his eyes. The moisture flowing into his palms dampened the front of his clothes. He didn't care.  
  
A slight rap on the hotel room door made him abruptly stop. He panicked for a moment, not knowing what to tell the others. He bit his bottom lip as he rose. Wiping the tears away from his eyes and cheeks, he slowly made his way towards the door. He opened it slightly, then smiled pathetically. "Hello..." he sniffed, "What're you doing here?"  
  
"Kurama? Were you... CRYING?" A shocked Yusuke stares into the eyes of the sad-faced demon, and looks over at his taller friend.  
  
"Yusuke, I..." Kurama starts, but he looks away in distress. He tries not to make eye contact with either of them.  
  
"We just wanted to know why your sodas were dropped on the floor... but it looks like there's something even more serious than sodas that's concerning you." Yusuke eyed the poor fox, then struck a look of question and worry on his face. "Kurama, where's Hiei?"  
  
"He's..." Kurama pulled his hands up to his face once more, and his breathing became rapid. He revealed the wet front of his shirt, but not only was it wet from tears, it also was stained with the blood of his friend.  
  
"Yusuke!" Kuwabara whispered to his rival, "... There's blood all over him!" His worried glances over at Kurama made him start to cry again. Kuwabara's looks stopped abruptly afterwards. "Sorry..."  
  
"Kurama, why's there blood drenched all over you?" Yusuke pulled the hands away from the fox's face, then sternly looked at him. "Please, tell me what happened."  
  
"Hiei... he..." Kurama quivered his bottom lip and looked as though he would weep once again, but Kuwabara placed his hand on his shoulder.  
  
"C'mon, you can tell us..." The tall red head had a sympathetic look in his eyes, and the tone he used was quite unlike him.  
  
Kurama timidly stepped back inside, letting the door stay open. He stood right in front of the bed where his friend was laying, and he stared at the floor.  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara slowly stepped inside the room, closing the door as they walked over to the demon's side. "Oh, hell no..." The blood that drained from the fire demon's wound was to be seen all over the bed, floor, and the surrounding items on the floor. Disgust and awe rampaged through the two teens. They could only wonder who supplied the gore.  
  
Kurama looked up at Yusuke, the saddest emotion anyone had ever seen spread on his face, and said, "It's Hiei's blood."  
  
Kuwabara clenched his fists as he stared at the small, supposedly sleeping demon in the bed. "No... Shorty..."  
  
"What happened to him?" Yusuke was welling tears up in his eyes.  
  
"He... slashed his arm... On purpose." The fox was keeping a straight face as he stared into nothing.  
  
The two teens gasped and gazed over at the bed Hiei was on. They could never imagine such a thing. I mean, it wasn't far from believing, but he wouldn't kill himself from their understanding. They looked away and sighed.  
  
"Are you sure he's... ya know..." Yusuke still had a fazed face.  
  
"I... couldn't bare to check... Kuwabara, will you?" The fox was covering his face yet again, only so he could prepare for the worst.  
  
"I... guess... Poor Shrimp. Man, now that I think about it, I feel really bad about calling him all those names... He was actually kinda cool. This... makes me feel horrible... I wish I would've been nicer to him..." Kuwabara knelt beside the bed.  
  
"It's even making Kuwabara sad... He's actually upset about not being nice to Short Stuff... If he's dead, I'm really gonna miss him, ya know? He was growin' on me..." Yusuke covered his face also. He could possibly cry about this. This was serious.  
  
"I just feel so bad that he didn't make better use of his life... We barely even knew him... Even I barely knew him, and I was his closest friend..." Kurama shook his head in pity, still shrouding his face from the other two.  
  
"Um... guys..." The teen looked up, face slightly damp from a couple tears, at the other two. His expression was uncertain. His face was emotionless. They couldn't read it at all.  
  
"What is it, Kazuma?" Kurama was turning away from them as he asked that. He knew it was all too real.  
  
"C'mon, buddy... let us know..." Yusuke, the toughest punk of his whole school, actually shed a tear.  
  
"He's..." he paused, trying to hide his true feelings, "... He's... alive 'n kickin'!" He jumped up, smiling. "He's got a pulse! Pipsqueak's breathing, too!"  
  
"Oh, thank heaven..." Kurama uncovered his face and smiled. "... I'm so glad he's alive..." He sighed in relief.  
  
"Yes! And now, if he heard all of us, we'll never hear the end of all the comments on the stupid sappy stuff we blabbed!" Yusuke realized this, then his smile faded.  
  
All three of the guys stopped smiling altogether. They looked at each other, pathetically chuckling. It was so true. They hoped that Hiei never heard a word of it.  
  
Hiei still was laying, silent, on the bloodstained bed...  
  
~~^~~  
  
Heh heh... You pathetic fools...  
  
There you go. Sorry about the cliffhanger last time! If I get 5 reviews on this, another one will be added! Please review!  
  
-Otaku Freak Kiken 


	4. To No Avail

Conscience  
  
Chapter four- To No Avail  
  
By Otaku Freak Kiken  
  
The trio of teens set their eyes upon the dormant fire demon. The question "Will he wake up?" flooded their minds as they stood there. They had never imagined this event to happen, and now they had no idea as to what to do next. If it wasn't for the fox among them, they would have stared blankly at Hiei for hours.  
  
"Should I tend to his arm now?" Kurama glanced at the other two as he asked his question.  
  
"Yeah, I'd do it before anything else happens..." Yusuke walked over and sat down on Kurama's bed, sighed, then turned to look out the window. He was confused, not understanding why Hiei chose the consequences of death to end his pain. He always thought Hiei was getting better, but now... Hiei almost died. On purpose. He sighed in aggravation, then rested his chin on top of his clenched fist, and his elbow rested on his knee.  
  
Kuwabara walked out of the room to retrieve the sodas, and came back in soon after. He set them down on the coffee table, then glanced over at Kurama, who was hard at work with bandaging the gash on Hiei's arm. He could tell he was experienced with the process. "Have you done this before?"  
  
Kurama looked up at him with a small smile. "Yes. Hiei always comes to me to clean his wounds. I've been doing this for quite some time now. I've never had to deal with THIS kind of infliction, though..." He tucked in the end of the bandage so it wouldn't come undone, then he sat in a nearby chair. He sighed.  
  
Kuwabara leaned over the side of Hiei's bed, looming over the guy. He wasn't quite certain what to think of him now. His face was just a few inches away from Hiei's, and he was inspecting it. Somehow, he had a feeling he'd wake up soon. But he didn't know WHEN...  
  
Yusuke looked over at Kuwabara, twisting his face in great question as he saw Kuwabara just inches away from Hiei's face. "What are you doing?" He turned to face the others.  
  
Kurama also had an interrogative face. He didn't know what to think of this. "Kuwabara?"  
  
"Hold on a sec..." He poked Hiei in the closed Jagan. He was still very close to his face.  
  
"Are you gonna kiss him or something?" Yusuke was getting a little concerned, and he cringed at the thought of that happening. He regretted mentioning that.  
  
"It does seem that way..." Kurama looked over at Yusuke, also sickened with the thought.  
  
"No... I'm trying to figure something out..." Kuwabara said, justifying his actions.  
  
"Well, if you're thinking about the 'perfect timing', you better do it now before he wakes up. I never knew you felt that way about him..." Yusuke chuckled, knowing it would get a rise from him.  
  
"Yes, it always seemed like you detested him. Is that why you teased him all the time? Were you hiding your true feelings?" Kurama played along. He couldn't resist.  
  
"Will you knock it off?! I ain't fruity! I just-!" Kuwabara was interrupted by a noise.  
  
Yusuke and Kurama leaned closer. They heard it, too. Now even more question filled them. Maybe...  
  
"ACK! You disgusting freak of all Ningenkai!" A terrified fire demon shrieked at the sight of Kuwabara just inches away from his face. He brought the covers up to his neck and pointed at the tall red-head. "I always knew there was something wrong with you! Don't you dare come near me again!"  
  
Kuwabara, at the same time, jumped backwards into a shocked, VERY SHOCKED, Yusuke's arms. "Uh muh GAWD!!! Shrimp!"  
  
Yusuke dropped him without care. "You weirdo..." He brushed himself off, then walked over to the bed. "Hey, Hiei... How's it going?"  
  
Kurama also rose and came to Hiei's side. "You're awake... Did you hear anything?" He wearily looked over at the other two.  
  
Hiei still had the glare of death on his face, his eyes burning holes right through Kuwabara. "I... heard some... But keep HIM away from me! That's something NO ONE should ever see when they first open their eyes!"  
  
Yusuke gulped. "Exactly WHAT did you hear?"  
  
Hiei evilly smirked at the trio. "Oh... wouldn't YOU like to know... Let's just say, I'm going to enjoy your torment... if you try to stop me again..."  
  
Yusuke huffed. "What do you mean, "again"?"  
  
Kuwabara nodded, wanting the same answer. "What's with this stupid suicide crap?! Gawd! You know what?" He walked over to the side of his bed, shoving Yusuke out of the way. "I'm not gonna let you do this! You punk! I don't care if you call me... WHATEVER you're gonna call me! I..." He grabbed the front of Hiei's muscle shirt, slightly elevating him in the air. "I'm gonna make sure you stay alive! Whether you like it or not!!!"  
  
Hiei was deeply disturbed by this. "Will you... UNHAND ME?!" He squirmed in Kuwabara's grasp, trying to free himself from the strange red-head. "I told you not to come near me!"  
  
"Like I'd actually want to be near such a weird little squirt like you!" Kuwabara answered, dimwittedly.  
  
"You're touching me, stupid. Get off." Hiei scowled menacingly at Kuwabara.  
  
Yusuke and Kurama were snickering amongst themselves. This thought was on both of their minds: "And to think... someday they might be in-laws!"... They swapped smiles and tidbits of whispers.  
  
"And what if we were? I'd STILL want to kill him!" Hiei finally broke the grip of Kuwabara's hand, then he brushed himself off with arrogant motions. He crossed his arms and looked over at his katana, which was leaning against the coffee table, bloodstained.  
  
"Hiei, do you always have to ruin our fun? Can't anyone have any secrets?" Kurama gave a sad look over at him.  
  
"Can I poke out his Jagan?" Yusuke asked in an innocent tone, holding a sharpened pencil up in the air. "PLEASE???"  
  
Hiei's eyes dilated with fear, and he covered his forehead in great distress. "No, you may NOT!"  
  
Everybody chuckled, except for Hiei. He was still shielding his forehead from any unexpected attacks.  
  
About ten minutes passed, and Hiei started showing how tired he was. The guys decided to let him sleep, so they left the room soon after. But...  
  
Hiei sat up, smirking as he looked over at the katana. "Now's my chance... their lame comments had no effect on me. I'm still going through with this." He slowly rose from the bed, planting his feet on the carpeted floor. He swayed a little, light headed from the blood loss, but continued to make his way towards the sword. He crouched down, sighed, then grasped the hilt of his katana. He closed his eyes, then smiled.  
  
~~^~~  
  
No one's stopping me THIS time...  
  
There's chapter four! Hope you liked it! Please review!  
  
-Otaku Freak Kiken 


	5. Selfish Ambition

Conscience  
  
Chapter five- Selfish Ambition  
  
By Otaku Freak Kiken  
  
You thought it was going to be okay. You thought I was going to give up my strong desire to end my life. To let go of my pride and bow down to ningens and their wanting to see me alive. Heh, you were terribly mistaken. TERRIBLY...  
  
So maybe I had second thoughts about this. You would, too, if you heard them speak that way about YOU. It was a little sad to hear how much they cared. Depressing, actually. It made me think of how much they'd suffer if I WAS gone. I never felt that way before. It was strange. I keep telling myself to forget them, to pursue my plan, yet the thought of my team crying over me keeps nagging at my subconscious. I wish they didn't care.  
  
Enough of that. I need no pity. I need no help. I only need myself. This life I'm living is nothing to me. Why should anyone care? I mean, I don't even care about it, so why should anyone else? It's senseless. Meaningless. Useless. Like I am.  
  
Call me selfish. Call me whatever you like. Even idiotic. Whatever it is, it wouldn't put a dent in me after all the trials I've been through. Your dross of words would have no effect on me.  
  
~~^~~  
  
Will you listen to yourself, Hiei? You sound so ignorant! So full of selfishness! Give it up! Start caring! Start listening to your friends! Let their words penetrate your mind! Don't think it's too late to start! It's never too late to care...  
  
People love you, Hiei, and they don't want to see you go. Can't you see it in their eyes? Can't you see the pain they feel? It's because you don't want to listen to them! They feel like you're hopelessly lost, and you don't even realize how much it hurts them to think so! I'm trying to help you understand, to see what they mean! They don't want you to 'bow down' to them, or give up your pride. They only want you alive. And grateful. Is that too much to ask?  
  
~~^~~  
  
I've stopped listening to you long ago. What makes you think I'd start now? Heh... your nonsensical babbling is really annoying me. You're a nothing but a pest, a faint voice lost in the back of my mind. I've started to think I've gone mad, hearing voices and all, but this whole time, it's been YOU. You and you 'consoling' me with my problems. I don't need you. Leave me alone. I mean it.  
  
I'm going through with this whether you like it or not. You're only a voice, so you can't stop me. What a pity. You can't do a thing.  
  
Hn...   
  
~~^~~  
  
Fine, Hiei... I guess it's no use in arguing. You're a mule-headed man, that's for sure. I thought I could make a difference, after lying dormant for so long. But I see now that it's too late for second chances. The sword is already poised for your advent of death, and I can tell you're waiting for me to stop. I hope you're happy... because that's all that matters... Once again, I bid thee farewell...I'm sorry, Hiei...  
  
~~^~~  
  
Hiei held the katana to his left wrist, hesitating as he stared at the gruesome, blood-caked scar that he uncovered. He sighed, then closed his eyes yet again. "The sooner, the better. I can't let anyone stop me now. I've come this far." He slowly pulled it against his pale skin, letting a tiny trail of blood trickle from the small cut. He didn't use a lot of pressure, so it didn't continue bleeding. It was a surface wound. Nothing compared to what he did earlier.  
  
~~^~~  
  
In Yusuke's and Kuwabara's room, however, an intriguing card game was at play...  
  
Kuwabara cautiously looked at his cards, then smiled at Yusuke with absolute confidence.  
  
Yusuke questioned his glances, but still had a face of assured victory in this round. "Well?"  
  
Kuwabara looked over his cards once more before saying, "Urameshi... GO FISH!!!" He crossed his arms and gloated in his greatness.  
  
Kurama and Yusuke sighed in pity of his stupidity.  
  
Yusuke drew a card from the deck and matched it up with another one of his own, then placed it down on the table. "Your turn, Kurama..."  
  
Kurama turned to Kuwabara, then opened his mouth to ask a question, but then quickly closed it and froze. His face was full of fear.  
  
Yusuke looked over his cards to see this in time, and he tapped Kurama's shoulder in question. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I... I think we need to check on Hiei... I have a bad feeling he's not asleep anymore... I think he wasn't even sleeping to begin with..." Kurama put his hand to his cheek in aggravation, then groaned. "Why did I forget his sword in the room? I'm so stupid..."  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara dropped their cards and gasped. They had forgotten about the whole situation in there, since the card game had them all preoccupied.  
  
"If I get a hold of that punk, I'm gonna beat him till his brains shoot out his nose and he cries for his mommy!" Kuwabara jolted up, clenching his fist and shaking it in the air.  
  
"Huh... that's not what I saw in the room earlier... all you did was pick him up and yell at the poor guy. Then he got traumatized. Better find a better plan for convincing him." Yusuke stood up, looking over at Kurama.  
  
Kurama nodded, then put his cards down. He rose and faced them both, then looked at the doorway. "Let's move."  
  
~~^~~  
  
Hiei started heavily breathing, and his heartbeat raced. He could feel sweat beading on his face, and his palm was slipping on the katana's hilt. He sighed, then clenched his teeth in a growl. "I can do this... there's nothing for me to live for! Nothing!"  
  
~~^~~  
  
The door flies open, Kurama staring wide-eyed at the sight before him. A feeling of concern whirled inside of him, and he took one step into the room.  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara looked over his shoulder, and they leaned forward at the scene that took place in front of their eyes. "Oh... whoa..."  
  
~~^~~  
  
I hate you foolish mortals... you foolish ningens and your compassion!  
  
Chapter five! Hope you like it... Did you get confused with the transitions in between? I tried to make it understandable. Let me know what you think! Should I wrap it up? Should the next chapter be the last? Please review! (Oh, and the "foolish mortals" was for you, Tess!)  
  
-Otaku Freak Kiken 


	6. Bitterness Overwhelms

Conscience  
  
Chapter six- Bitterness Overwhelms  
  
By Otaku Freak Kiken  
  
Hiei started heavily breathing, and his heartbeat raced. He could feel sweat beading on his face, and his palm was slipping on the katana's hilt. He sighed, then clenched his teeth in a growl. "I can do this... there's nothing for me to live for! Nothing!"  
  
~~^~~  
  
The door flies open, Kurama staring wide-eyed at the sight before him. A feeling of concern whirled inside of him, and he took one step into the room.  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara looked over his shoulder, and they leaned forward at the scene that took place in front of their eyes. "Oh... whoa..."  
  
~~^~~  
  
I hate you foolish mortals... you foolish ningens and your compassion!...  
  
~~^~~  
  
Hiei held the sword to his stomach, not to his arm. His eyes fell upon the others as they walked in, yet they weren't angry. They were full of sorrow. Full of pain. He was shaking the slightest bit, but he kept a strong hold on his katana. His eyes searched their faces for emotions. His own was undescribable.  
  
Kurama sternly looked him in the eyes, slowly moving towards him. "Don't do it, Hiei... PLEASE, don't even try..." He outstretched his hand to him, trying to get him to let go of the sword. "I 'm here for you... I've always been here for you..." He kept moving closer and closer, almost to the coffee table, where Hiei was crouching down. He looked over at Hiei's arm, noticing the bandages missing, and a fresh, red scar that seemed to have just been inflicted. He winced. "Hiei..."  
  
Kuwabara was about to run over to Hiei. He was outraged by the fire demon's antics. He really wanted to stop him himself.  
  
Yusuke nudged his side, signaling to him to stop. "I think Kurama can handle this." Yusuke whispered to him. His face was overcome by shock, and the whole situation apparently was making him very nervous.  
  
"I hope so..." Kuwabara whispered back, calming down a little. His eyes were intently set on the two before him. Never in his life did he have to deal with such a serious, life-threatening ordeal. It was even making HIM feel depressed. He had better not go down THAT path.  
  
Hiei innocently looked up at Kurama's concerned face, still keeping hold on the sword. "Ku... Kurama..." His face turned ghost white, and his eyes were pleading for salvation from this mess.  
  
"It's okay... Everything's going to be alright..." Kurama was in the process of kneeling down next to him, but Hiei's next actions were to be completely unexpected.  
  
"NO!" Kuwabara gasped, shoving Yusuke out of his way, and ran over to them.  
  
Yusuke fell to his knees. He covered his face.  
  
~~^~~  
  
That's it... it's almost over now...  
  
Maybe I made a wrong choice... If I had chosen the other path, would everything be better off? Or is it better off now? Perhaps I'll never know... It's almost certain now.  
  
I can't believe how ignorant I feel. Was this a mistake? Could I have made a mistake? This just doesn't feel like I had hoped it would... I feel so empty. So... selfish. Self-centered. So... naive. Something tells me that I shouldn't have done this.  
  
Pain. I feel so much pain. I can see it in their eyes, I can sense it in their hearts. In their minds. Looking down at me, I can tell they wished they could have done more. Wishing they could have saved me. It's not their fault... this was all my decision. My ambitious error.  
  
Oh, how I wish I could tell them how I feel! I'm so ashamed of my actions... if only I could turn back time, to start all over again. I would start over by telling my sister the truth right away, by actually getting to know my friends better, by spending more time with them... by being open with them... If only...  
  
Yukina... what will she think of me? She already detests me for not telling her about our relationship, but now... Now she'll never forgive me for this! She'll truly loathe me! I can't bear that thought any longer...  
  
Kuwabara really loves her. He just doesn't seem to notice how innocent she is. I guess... the both of them together isn't such a BAD thing... yet I can't picture it. Kuwabara isn't as idiotic as I thought he would be. Actually, he's not half bad. I didn't ever expect him to fall in love with Yukina, but... I suppose he'll be a good match for her. I know he'll take great care of her for me...  
  
I now realize that the others weren't mad at me; they were only uptight about the tournament. I can understand...  
  
How are they going to fight it now? Without me? Our only other option was Koenma, but he's already taken over for Genkai. And we most certainly can't have George! Botan would be no good... Keiko CAN slap pretty hard, but up against the toughest demons, she's nothing more than just a weak ningen. Shizuru has SOME spiritual awareness, yet she has no idea as to how to control it. I really feel bad for the team now...  
  
I'm dying... I wish I could go back, but It's too late now, I guess... I can feel myself fading away, my life slowly eroding away with every second. I made such a tragic decision, and now I'm facing the cruel consequences. Death's advent is approaching. There is no escape for me. No hope at all...  
  
At least I can give them my last words...  
  
~~^~~  
  
"... I'm sorry..." A single tear rolled down Hiei's cheek. The words were not only directed towards the ones present in the room, but to everyone in his entire lifetime. The sword was dropped, and a wound the size of a fist, in his stomach, was seeping blood. And, as he looked up at the faces overhead, he smiled. His eyes closed, and he let out the softest sigh. Lying on the floor, surrounded by a pool of crimson blood, Hiei gave his last breath.  
  
~~^~~  
  
I regret never listening... Forgive me, Conscience...  
  
HEY!!! What do you think? If you don't want a SAD, TRAGIC ending, then... GO to the next chapter (which will be posted soon)! Please review this! (Don't be hate'n!) God, I'm so bad with endings...  
  
-Otaku Freak Kiken 


	7. Never Giving In

Conscience  
  
Chapter seven- Never Giving In (Alternate Ending [For those of you who couldn't take the LAST one!])  
  
By Otaku Freak Kiken  
  
Hiei started heavily breathing, and his heartbeat raced. He could feel sweat beading on his face, and his palm was slipping on the katana's hilt. He sighed, then clenched his teeth in a growl. "I can do this... there's nothing for me to live for! Nothing!"  
  
~~^~~  
  
The door flies open, Kurama staring wide-eyed at the sight before him. A feeling of concern whirled inside of him, and he took one step into the room.  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara looked over his shoulder, and they leaned forward at the scene that took place in front of their eyes. "Oh... whoa..."  
  
~~^~~  
  
I hate you foolish mortals... you foolish ningens and your compassion!...  
  
~~^~~  
  
Hiei stood erect, the sword at his side. He looked at them in a way that startled everyone present. His eyes were screaming pain, yet he said nothing. He looked into their eyes. He could sense their pain, he could feel them hurting.  
  
Kurama was at a loss of words, trying to speak, but nothing was coming out. He gazed at Hiei with sympathy, and his heart was pounding with adrenaline. He spotted Hiei's bare arm, then glanced upon the inflamed skin, the reddened incision on his wrist. He winced. "What's...going on here?"  
  
"Shorty, you better not-" Kuwabara was interrupted.  
  
"Quite!" Yusuke sharply retorted in a whisper.  
  
Hiei's eyes searched their faces as they stared blankly at him. Eyes glistening, he tensed his face into a pain-filled expression. He dropped to his knees, the sword clanging on the floor. Soft cries and gasps escaped from his cringing body. A few tears splashing on the ground. Hiei was actually crying.  
  
The other three gasped. "What's this?"  
  
"Hiei's... crying?" Yusuke's shocked face turned calm, yet confused.  
  
Kuwabara settled his emotions, then looked over at Yusuke with a small smile.  
  
Kurama walked over to Hiei, putting his arm around his shoulder. "Hiei, we understand..."  
  
"No!" Hiei threw Kurama's arm off of his body, then sadly scowled at the fox. "No, you don't! You couldn't! You have no idea... Can't you see, I wanted to die?! I longed for it so badly! I was so blinded by my ambition... by my foolish pride and arrogance! Once I heard you talking about how much you missed me, there was no way I could bear to take my own life..." Hiei's voice trailed off into a sigh, then he looked over at Yusuke. "I was... growing on you? You were actually considering me a 'close friend'? I was stunned to hear you actually say that you would miss me..." His eyes fell upon a stupefied Kuwabara. "And, you... yours was the most shocking. You feel remorse when calling me such names... You even liked me. It was completely unexpected." Hiei looked about the room, occasionally exchanging small eye contact with each one. "I'm... in a way, glad you guys said something..." Hiei stared out the window.  
  
"Wait a minute, Shrimp! You're making me sound like some soft guy or somethin'! And I ain't no soft guy!" Kuwabara was about to run over to the fire demon, but...  
  
Yusuke's foot appeared in front of Kuwabara, causing the tall teen to fall flat on his face. "Shut up. You like kittens. I'd consider you a soft guy."  
  
"I hate you, Urameshi..." A muffled groan rumbled from his throat.  
  
Kurama smiled at Hiei. "So, you've changed your mind about this?"  
  
Hiei nodded. "I suppose..."   
  
A knock on the door startles everyone.  
  
Kurama settled himself, then went over to answer the door. He opened it to find a very angry Koenma scowling back at him. "Koenma, sir... What brings you here?" His voice was mixed with a tone of nervousness. He knew why he was there. He didn't want to admit it, though...  
  
"I'm pretty sure you didn't develop Alzheimer's since I last spoke with you, Kurama... Why didn't any of you show up for the opposing teams' matches?" Koenma crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. He was... PEEVED...  
  
"Uh... we can... WE CAN EXPLAIN! We... uh... had some... TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES... Heh heh..." Yusuke scratched his head as he realized his excuse was proving no use. He looked over at Kuwabara and shrugged.  
  
Koenma sneered at them all, watching them grow with guilt each time his eyes fell upon them. He noticed one thing that stood out to him, and he walked over to inspect it closer. "Hiei... is that... A SMILE? What's going on?"  
  
Hiei WAS smiling... "I just had a thought, that's all..." The smile quickly diminished as he looked over at Kurama.  
  
Kurama glanced over at him, then back at Koenma. "Hiei... has changed his mind about a lot of things... And we had LONG discussions about them... We lost track of time, and THAT's why we didn't show up." He used the last bit of his confidence to make it sound believable. But...  
  
"Quit trying to hide the truth. I know what was going on in here... Hiei, may I see your arm?" Koenma gestured for him to uncover it.  
  
Hiei reluctantly brought his arm out in front of them, then stared off to the side.  
  
"I see... So it's true. Hiei, you attempted suicide. Correct?"  
  
"Hn..." was all that he replied with. Not uncommon for him.  
  
"And you reconsidered your decision?"  
  
"... Yes..." Hiei looked at the floor, then raised his eyes to meet his.  
  
Koenma smiled. "Good. We need you. You're a valuable part of our team, whether you believe it or not... and... George isn't up to fighting just yet..."  
  
Yusuke put his arm around Hiei's neck, rubbed his hair, then chuckled. "What could we do without you, Hiei?"  
  
Hiei, all the while, was struggling to free himself. He managed to wiggle free of his grasp, then smoothed his hair back in place. He arrogantly smirked at everyone, then said, "Nothing." He went over to the window, slid it open, then flitted out of sight.  
  
~~^~~  
  
Thank you... Conscience...  
  
SO THERE IT IS!!! The end of Conscience. Or is it? Here's what I need to know: Should I make a sequel? And, if yes, with who? I have plenty of ideas, but I need to know what you guys think! Please respond with reviews, and tell me what you think! I think I suck at endings, but maybe that's just me...? O-WELL!!! Please review!  
  
-Otaku Freak Kiken 


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